Sunday, January 16, 2011

Why not?

I have wanted to start blogging for awhile now. I have always feared that no one would want to read my blog. My life is not that exciting. Today is the day I am getting past that fear and realize the blog is for me anyways. Who cares if no one follows me!

In case you did not notice, the Valentine's Day stuff is out full force in all stores. This year it reminds me of a promise my aunt asked me to keep at Christmas. Holidays with the family tends to be more of a "Tell Carrie what is wrong with her" discussion than a celebration. My family means well, but they can be a bit brutal.

As I was leaving my cousin's house on Christmas Day, my aunt pulls me aside and says "Carrie, promise me that you will work on finding a husband this year. You need a good man in your life." I couldn't breathe. I felt like someone just punched me in the stomach. Husband? Marriage? Me? I could not open my mouth in fear that I would start hyperventilating. I just nodded and gave her a hug.

Growing up, I used to listen to my parents fighting knowing what came next: silence. My dad would stop talking to my mom. Sometimes the silence between my parents lasted a few days and sometimes a few months. The tension in the house was unbearable and I hated listening to my mom cry. I also knew that I was going to have to take care of myself because my mom would forget to.

My mom tried to move out a couple of times, but she did not know how to support herself and 2 kids on her small income. I made a promise to myself that I would always be able to support myself so that I would be able to walk away. So here I am today sitting in my very own apartment able to pay all of my bills and still have money left over for fun stuff. I found a great job and have proven to myself that I can make it on my own. I thought this would make me ready to settle down and start a family. Instead, it had the opposite effect. I enjoy being single and living my life. Why is it so hard for my family to understand this?

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